Constrictions and Convergences
Messy but transformational journey, and you're welcome to join me
If you’re just tuning in or catching up, I’m facilitating a Study Circle for The Proof by James Twyman in preparation to share my reflections on Friday, 22nd of March.
I just caught up after a series of intense obstacles that resulted in the delayed announcement and participation from when I was initially called to do this.
It was challenging to birth this, especially while I recalibrate many aspects of my life simultaneously as I move through shifts on a scale I haven’t experienced before. The big difference that especially expanded in the past year - my capacity and compassion, along with many tools use on a daily basis to rebuild my life over several years. Oh, and my birthday was a few days ago … talk about rebirth!
This convergence has included highly symptomatic Dysautonomia, MCAS, and Ehlers-Danlos flare ups triggered by the arrival of both an especially expressive menses and the medicine infusion I get monthly for the mcas, on top of major transitions and decision opportunities … I could go on, but suffice to say it was A LOT and landed me in bed with migraines and exhaustion plus much more for the better part of 10 days.
So of course this is the best time to start a new project that’s deeply vulnerable and knowingly host to challenges that will develop me. I’m finding I have a better sense of break down and break through than I previously have, and in all honesty this recent break could have been a down but it has absolutely been a through. With appropriate support it is absolutely manageable, so long as I remember that it requires an authentic version of myself. Allow the experience, and make room for the mess.
Right now I feel deeply messy and human.
It’s the perfect time to show up for transformation, in my cocoon of magick. I’m not the person I tried to be before I realized that the only person I can be is me, and so a lot of how I move through the world now looks foreign to many who thoughtd they knew me. Not that I cease to be a mirror, but now more like a fun house than a sterile bathroom reflection.
Portals of Pain, aka the “breakdowns” have been a source of insight when I’m forced into incubation with my body and mind and the most singular sense of Source. Reframe the entirety of my perceptions and internal guidance system, and find sacred purpose in everything. Add on the increase in clair and psychic activity, and we have a mad house of Divine Love. All in service of Oneness, Collective Liberation.
Harmony can be as easy to find as a dinghy in a hurricane, yet with practice it can almost be fun to try those extreme conditions. I was born from chaos, so my extreme has reoriented to include softness … native to my innate self, and foreign to the soil I was grown in. I have raised it within myself, and feel the pride of a successful land keeper. My garden has become exotic and luscious under tender care and sunshine.
Repatriation and reparations to the body and the land, as I plant these new seeds of Oneness. If nothing else made sense, the essence is: alchemy renders through portals and offers new avenues and perspectives. I used alchemy to transform chaos into the road by which I approach my vague destination, in belief of Source guidance, with love.
So anyways I read the first two practices on Monday, and today I’ll read the third and fourth which will catch me up. Time got wonky with all the convergences and constrictions I experienced since I first realized Source’s call on this project about a month ago. If you’re also catching up for any reason, or you can only read the first practice before Friday … then do that and join me for conversation on the book and how it relates to literally everything. I’m already finding it beautifully, painfully relevant to everything with a sharp satire slipping in occasionally. If you’re struggling too but this calls you as it has called me, come through and show up as you are! If you’d rather wait for the next Study Circle, send me recommendations of material or themes you’re interested in deep diving with community down the road. Drop in, drop out, be authentic.
Let’s consider, laugh, cry, and be in communion this Friday, 22nd March from 8-9pm est. And if that time doesn’t work, I can get a Circle survey going to find a better time for the group since my availability is flexible. And if this ends up being a 40 day solo journey I’ll share my reflections for folks who want to connect asynchronistically along the way. It’s a circle anyways, always turning!
Interested but seriously, wtf are you talking about Merrick? Click here!
You can also watch my little video here
And/or DM/ask questions below!